Thursday, December 29, 2011

Coming Soon: FudgePAC

Once I get back to Chicago, FudgePAC will go live.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Happy Christmas–Chanukah Eclipse

2011 is one of those years during which Chanukah and Christmas line up for a few days and Christmas completely blocks out Chanukah. Try to appreciate it because it doesn't happen very often.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Why Do You Care So Much That A Westboro Baptist Church Member Wore A Glee Shirt?

HAHAHA! Check out this BuzzFeed post where the Westboro Baptist Church is given way more attention and legitimacy than it deserves in order to make people feel good. One of them wore a GLEE shirt!! Ha! Moron! 

There are like ten people in the Westboro Baptist Church, and they're obviously insane. Who cares that one of them did something mildly comical? You're just setting up pointless straw men.

The Westboro Baptist Church is kept in the news because:

1) They're about as uncontroversial as a "political" story can get. Even CNN could blast them and not get called out for being liberal by Overton Window--shopping conservatives.

2) They give a wide range of people feel-good anger. Any idiot can be really angry at the Westboro Baptist Church and feel good because of it.

Look at the smug kid in that picture, for example. He's putting all this effort into demonstrating his disgust for the lone protestor who made it out there, a guy who is completely unfazed by this kid's efforts and is actually likely encouraged by it because he's getting a strong reaction just for showing up by himself with these colorful signs.

The Westboro Baptist Church is tiny. Covering it so widely legitimizes it more than it deserves and keeps people from having to focus on groups whose positions are more nuanced or who have more mainstream support. It's very easy to blast a group that almost everybody hates, just as it's easy to praise a billionaire for donating a portion of his wealth to disease research and non-controversial charities.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Almost Done with Law School Exams

Then I get to wait a whole month for my first law school grades. Should be great.

I finish exams the 15th and leave for DC the 16th. As soon as I'm done with that I'll get started on the next update for, using all these photos.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Festival of Christmas Lite

Joan Rivers and Melissa Rivers have a Chanukah gift guide on Daily Beast. I guess it's about what toys to get for kids.

Wait, what? It's about getting presents for adults? I thought the one nice thing about being a Jew in my early-to-mid-twenties is that I don't have to get anything for anybody.

Damn Zionists and their war on Chanukah! Chanukah is about people giving presents to kids. It's not the Festival of Christmas Lite!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Ten Best Google Search Queries That Have Led People to

Santorum 2012 is my food blog with pictures of recipes that look like santorum, the slang word that Republican presidential candidate and former Senator Rick Santorum's name has become. People have been finding the site through all kinds of queries with Google. Here are some of the best:

10. 'santorum chomsky'

9. 'obama butt'
Is this a viable ticket? Should I buy OBAMABUTT.COM?

8. 'santorum 2012', 'santorum', 'rick santorum for president official website', etc.
There are several dozen different terms entered by people who clearly just wanted to learn about Rick Santorum or find his campaign website. 'Santorum 2012', for which we're the first result, is the most popular term of all for finding the site. 'Santorum' is the second most popular. Catching these people is what I purport to be the primary intention of the site.

7. 'sanattorum 2012', 'santorium tube', 'sanotrum 2012', 'sanrotum 2012', 'sataorum 2012', etc.
There are countless misspellings of his name, of which I only listed a few.

6. 'santorum for president 2010'

5. 'what is santorum and what does it look like', 'santorum in the butt', 'literal picture of santorum', 'crusty santorum', etc.
There are many different queries from curious people who want to learn more about the slang word.

4. 'crack and mcdonalds mcflurry spoons'

3, 'i am dripping with santorum'

2. 'mc flurry 2012'

1. 'celebration deserts' 

Monday, December 5, 2011 Starting to Go Viral: Featured on Two Popular Gay Blogs; Also the Facebook "Like" Count Would Have Been Much Higher than It Says if Blogger and I Didn't Suck

Gingrich 2012's traffic has increased by about 5000% after being featured on a couple popular gay blogs: Towleroad and Joe. My. God. I wish I had known that Blogger's built-in social network buttons were so weak. I missed out on a lot of Facebook likes because the only option was to share. I also never should have had the buttons apply to the post rather than the main domain. Switched to IddThis.

The site also has almost 4000 views so far on BuzzFeed.

Update: No, AddThis didn't work properly on Gingrich 2012. Need to find something else.

Update 2: All right, I realized I could just use the official buttons from Facebook and Twitter. I'm a little sad about the missed likes and tweets. If the option had been to like the site instead of sharing it, the numbers showing up now would be different, and also more people might have liked it. That's the problem with having a website suddenly get popular. I realize something's wrong with the site and I missed out on traffic or exposure, and I have to count it as a lesson for next time.

And my Civil Procedure exam today went fine, thanks for asking.

Update 3: Hmm, if I make the Facebook widget use the URL of the blog post itself, it shows 34 likes, but if I use it for the basic URL (, it has over 60. I wish I could combine them together. Where were people going anyway that they were liking the basic URL address on Facebook? Oh well, I learned a lot about the nuances of promoting your one-trick Blogger site on social media today.

Final Update: But now it doesn't really matter anymore because it's at 235 likes.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Law School Update: Premier Legal Blog Names Me Northwestern Law Pie King; Also Exams and Gingrich 2012

My pie contest trophy next to my much bigger, sexier wiener trophy.

Above the Law, the internet's main law and law school culture blog (pretty much the legal version of Gawker, with the more modest, but still impressive, traffic numbers of blogs like Wonkette and The Awl) wrote an article about all of the drama that came out of my tortuous victory at Northwestern Law's first annual pie eating contest:

But as you see, in the end I came out the Pie King. The article got many things wrong, including the order of the emails. And the really mean girl who claimed I cheated was lying about almost everything, so don't believe her. I wasn't upset; that contest was great. And she wasn't handed the trophy; she grabbed it while they were declaring me the winner and awkwardly scuttled off to her backpack with it hoping nobody would notice. Then I walked up to her after somebody pointed it out and I explained to her what had happened and why I didn't cheat, and she seemed to understand and gave it back to me. The judges later emailed me thanking me for my nice email trying to clear things up, and said that they emailed that girl asking her to apologize to the law school listserv.

Unfortunately nobody from my section (the group of students I have every single class with who chose me to represent them in the contest) was there because a professor scheduled an exam review for that time period. Imagine how the contest would have gone if they had been there to back me up.

But when I walked into the exam review covered in pie and holding that trophy, it was awesome and everybody cheered and the professor was confused.


2/7/2012 update:

When people ask me how law school is going, I usually tell them I'll know in January or February. Between getting ready to apply for summer jobs on December 1st and taking strictly curved exams that count for 100% of our semester grades and are unlike any we've ever taken before, the first semester of law school is like building a boat when you've never seen a boat before and only have a podcast describing what it looks like and how to build it to go by. Even if I do everything everybody says (which isn't possible because everybody gives conflicting advice) and I feel like I did it right, I can't be sure I'm not going to sink at the exam.

Fortunately it's free and I'm not very worried.

(2/7/2012 update on my analogy here.)

Other new stuff:

And I'll have a new entry on Santorum 2012 soon (it's not even close to too late to send in your own submission and win $100), kicking off the official start of our Pro-Santorum PAC, FudgePAC.

Email or comment if you have any questions or want to help.


A Yoga Poster I Made for a Charity Auction

Here's a poster I made for Northwestern Law's public interest funding auction. I adapted it from a drawing I did of Mika Meiri (NSFW) when she visited me in Chicago in October. She liked how I drew her crazy Japa-Jewish hair. Click image for full size.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Gingrich 2012 Is Up! Come and Get Your Gingrich!

My newest site Gingrich 2012 is simpler than Santorum 2012 and so far people have surprisingly found it less disgusting.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Stuff I've Been Up to Lately

I live in Chicago now and I go to law school.

Here's some of the non--law school stuff I've been doing:

I was Tire Iron Man for Halloween.

Also Lisa, my Japajewish romantic interest, came in mid-October for her 21st birthday and we did stuff. Any resemblance to the model mentioned three posts before this is probably coincidental.

Normal touristy stuff:
At the river.

At Everest, one of the few Michelin Star restaurants in Chicago that has vegetarian entree options, on the 40th floor of the Chicago Stock Exchange.

Also I made vegan banana pancakes!

Finally here's my apartment from the Sears Tower Skydeck. You can only see part of the top few floors of my building so I realized how lucky I am to be on the 45th floor. I have a friend on the 38th floor with almost the exact same view I have who can't see the tower at all. Glad I'm not her!

I'm working on a lot of projects, including a simple Newt Gingrich site now that he's the new not-Romney. I haven't been working on any of my projects as much as I should be though. I'll try to get better about that.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

What Rick Perry Is Doing in this Picture

Rick Perry hanging himself by his own noose at the debate last night.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Haven't you ever wanted a site that tells you what the malt liquor options in your area are too?

Dear Jay Pegg,

This email contains important information regarding your recent purchase – please save it for reference.

.COM Domain Name Registration - 1 Year (recurring)$7.67
Quantity:1 domain(s)
Shipping & Handling:$0.00
Order Total$7.67

I also bought FORTYPOUNCE.COM and even FORTYBOUNCE.COM just in case.

Friday, October 7, 2011

There Are Two Dresses on the Cake Because It's Gay

I'm a 1L rep for OUTLaw (the LGBT club at Northwestern Law) and I made this flyer for this panel on civil unions so if you go to my law school or live in my area you should go to it on Tuesday maybe:

Edit: To be clear, I didn't write any of the copy for the flyer, I just inserted it in, except for "We Will Feed You".

I have a backlog of things I want to write about in this clog, but I'm such a lazy sack of shit.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

CNN/Tea Party Express Debate Twitter Round-Up

In reverse chronological order. You should follow me so I don't feel like I have to do these round-ups.

 Jeremy Peter Green 

Obama's best campaign move so far: Giving Romney credit for creating Obamacare and making a less dangerous Republican nominee more likely.
 Jeremy Peter Green 

When will you make me an offer to take down my site? I'd seriously take like, $2000.  RT   you're so pretty.
 Rick Santorum   you're so pretty.

 Jeremy Peter Green 

 Jeremy Peter Green 

Michele Bachmann mentioned a "morning after abortion pill." Does that reverse an abortion??  
 Jeremy Peter Green 

Damn, should I watch an elite team of patriots in a passionate battle for the nation's future in Florida or should I watch the Repub debate?
14 hours ago

That last one's a reference to a major football game that night.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Our Nation's Future

Just writing to remind you all that I say a lot of stuff on Twitter and you should follow me, @JPGClog.

Selection for tonight:

 Jeremy Peter Green 
Damn, should I watch an elite team of patriots in a passionate battle for the nation's future in Florida or should I watch the Repub debate?

(The Pats are playing at Miami tonight.)

How is law school going? I don't know! I won't know until January or February when I get my grades. At least it's going inexpensively.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Hustle Up the Cracker Vote

Sorry for the lack of updates. I just moved to Chicago and started law shul at Northwestern and have been busy. I'll start updating more soon though.

Taegan Goddard asked for submissions for his Political Dictionary yesterday and I sent in "cracker vote" and he said "Awesome. Thanks," and he put it up today. Not only is this word fun to say, but it's funny because of the predictable conservative reactions to Bill Clinton's use of it, even though it clearly refers to the term multi-generation Floridians use for themselves rather than the more widely known pejorative, and even though Clinton even qualified with, "... what Lawton Chiles used to call the 'cracker vote' there." And all these conservative blogs and pundits called Bill Clinton racist as though he's not a self-made man from the South himself.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Moo and Moe and My Uncle and My Grandpa

I haven't posted in a while. Moo Thunder Stout is good. Here's a picture of me drinking it, taken by my friend Gigi:

American Ice Company is a bar in DC that has it. That bar's pretty good. I had a going away party there last night. I'm moving to Chicago in a week. My dad's driving me up.

My grandpa's funeral was Friday. He was a lawyer and it had a lot of lawyers. I'm pissed off because I just found out today that my grandpa's Uncle Louie, who I knew helped him financially throughout college and law school when the GI Bill wasn't enough, is the man Moe Szyslak, the bartender from The Simpsons, is based on. I wish I could have asked my grandpa about that. That's pretty important! More on that later after I've done more research.

You could argue that saying Moe is based on my great great uncle is misleading because he actually shares that honor with comedian Rich Hall, but I think it's fine to say because my uncle was indeed the original inspiration for Moe, and Rich Hall only influenced the character after he had already been created.

Wikipedia entry about Louis "Red" Deutsch:

Interview about my great great Uncle Louie on Howard Stern: The recordings of my uncle in this are great. They sound so much like Bart Simpson's phone conversations with Moe. It's like I'm related to Moe!

I have a lot of Jewish and Irish boxing blood in me. That must be part of why I'm always wanting to give people the business. I already do a good impression of this cool dead uncle of mine and maybe I'll start doing it sometimes when I want to be funny.

Having an interesting ancestor doesn't make me interesting though. I'm still working on that. I'm going to make a new post about Santorum 2012 soon. Number one result when you google 'Santorum 2012'!

My full name is also engraved on the wall of Chidogo's at 14th and U in DC and I need to write about that.

[Editor's note: Stupid paragraph about my personal life redacted. I'm embarrassed for writing something so bad. Here is the summary: Emerson did something horrible to me without realizing it and made me an unrecognizable shell of a person for six weeks and I stopped eating and I couldn't go to ACL rehab and that is why the tissue transplant was an utter failure and I can't play basketball and need to get ACL surgery again. She made me a more cynical person and the non-physical damage she did to me took many months to fix. It shouldn't have been a big deal at all, but she made it one with how she did it and maybe someday she will apologize.]

I learned at this funeral that some old Jewish people are really obnoxious and insufferable. My sister Sarah got pissed at this one horrible woman. It was just that one woman, really; everybody else was nice. Maybe I can be the first ever Jewish comedian to talk about how crazy old Jewish people are!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Salvador Dali on What's My Line

I'm getting Salvadorian food soon so I thought this was appropriate:

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Thursday, July 21, 2011

A Year of Living Dangerously at DC Fringe Fest

My sister's boyfriend's play at DC Fringe Fest, A Year of Living Dangerously, is good. His name's Brent Englar and he wrote and directed it. One of the characters has a funny but accurate Maryland accent where he pronounces his O's weirdly and it's great.

The theater feels kind of like La MaMa in Manhattan, but there's no nudity. At first I was disappointed because the play seems like it should have nudity, but then I decided that with all the edgy plays at Fringe Fest with edgy titles, it was nice to see a play that didn't go for shock value. It's getting good reviews.

There's one show left on Saturday at 6pm.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Scrutiny of Michele Bachmann's Migraines

Even though Michele Bachmann is a terrible person who unfairly judges other people and deserves this scrutiny about her migraines, I still disapprove of it. It's bad. And no, this isn't just because I own BACHMAN-2012.COM, BACHMANNBAYH.COM, BACHMANNBUSH.COM, BACHMANNDANIELS.COM, BACHMANNFORTUNO.COM, BACHMANNHUNTSMAN.COM, BACHMANNJINDAL.COM, BACHMANNPAWLENTY.COM, BACHMANNROMNEY.COM, and